Cry for me
by Avalon Caulfield
Summary: Faith's on death - row and writes a letter to Buffy.


Author's Note: I felt like writing Faith's death – letter. Please review.

Disclaimer: Things you recognize are that of Mutant Enemy, Joss, and all them people. I rather not incur the wrath of the Grr. Argh.

--

       I want you to know, B, that I'm frightened. Scared as all hell. 'Cause I'mma wuss. Anyway, tomorrow they're gonna let me go. Fuck redemption, lets kill the little bitch off. She did her time, let's inject her sort've thing. So baby, I've got nothin' to lose, but you do. And I always get the last shot, B, remember? Or have you forgotten after screwin' the Boy Scout? I mean, Riley was hung like one, but that's past bullshit, and frankly, I don't got the time to trade barbs with you. It's tomorrow. When you get this letter, I'll be dead.  Doesn't that just sound cheery? See, B? You can never shut me out of your life forever. Hell, I might even haunt you if Heaven decides I'm a screw - up, and Hell thinks I've gone soft. Then again, I never believed in any of that. Heaven, Hell - - I believed in the here and the now, but I don't know where that is at this point! I'm probably wicked bored and horny. Of course, for me, the 'here and now' is a damn jail cell with Bertha, but then again. Time difference. So now that I've made my intro, wonderin' if the Golden Buffy'll shed a tear or two for poor, pitiful Fuck Up Faith. Okay. Onto the real letter.

       I love you. Take that as you will, I'm not gonna elaborate. You've always wondered what made me, well - - me. The dark embodiment of you. That's what I am. I'm you, only I'm the you that's not afraid to do anything. Life is short. I proved that. Y'know they say that something every human needs is physical touch? I don't know who says that, but they're freakin' vague. 'Cause they don't say if it's snuggles, or hitting, or sex, or rape, or anythin'. I kinda got the hitting - rape part of the deal, where my drunken mother would beat me, and my stepfather [also a drunk, let alone a drug addict] would rape me. In front of her. Maybe that doesn't gimmie any special rights in your eyes, but to me? I think I deserve some itsy bit of compassion for once. If you could manage for a Fuck Up like me. It might explain my trust issues. Then Faithy grows up. Reminded constantly that said parents never wanted her, that no one would ever want her. When Faithy grew breasts, men did want her - - to use her. Discard her. But she was okay. She didn't like how relationships turned out, just look at her own parents. But one day, there was someone who seemed to care. It was for her own motives, but she told me I could be important. That I was. That I alone might one day stop the spread of evil. And then I was Chosen, and she told me about you. You - - the Princess Buffy, infamous among vamps, demons, and all - around bads. The stories she told me of you told of a compassionate person, someone who might care for a fuck - up like Faith, might make her a better person. Buffy could be a miracle doctor to my psychological scars. But you were anything but friendly, even when we first met. You think I dunno? I'm not stupid. You were an icon to me, and though I never admitted it to Cynthia, my watcher, I think she knew. I mean, when Kakistos ripped her heart out, her last words were that I go to Sunnydale. See you. I think he heard, that's why he came so fast. 

       But I knew I had to, because you would Make It Better. You'd take away the pain of letting Cynthia die. Not quite letting, but I felt I did. So I showed up, got a warm enough reception from your friends - Willow, Xander, Oz. Your cute little sister. But you? No, not you. You felt threatened. Why? Because I was a threat; because I could corrupt your illuminated soul, because I was just like you! Because I could look you in the eye, and tell you something -- and you know you'd be thinkin' the same thing. When you finally gave in, we screwed up. That's right, we. Ever think you could've stopped me, B? Ever think you didn't want to? You were so close to having power...

       And you panicked. But we screwed up. And you tried your very hardest to get me to turn myself in. And then what? Be locked up in a cage, where you wouldn't have to worry about me? 'Cause I messed up, I'm a fuck - up, and a whore.

       Except, so are you. You're the one who could forgive Angel for all he's done -- all the people he killed. Why? 'Cause he banged ya once? Hell, I'dve done the same, given the opportunity. And I'd be so much better than him. But, B, I know you wanted that power again. I know you almost had it.     

       And I know you knew you missed something fatal. Left me in a coma for you to forget about me, but you couldn't kill me. Couldn't be me. Hey B, ever wonder why our dream - sheets were wrinkled? 

       But you know the rest of the story. I went 'psycho' and sided with the Mayor. 'Cause he gave a damn when I asked it. Aside from wanting toys and a puppy; all I ever wanted was to be loved. 

       So I ask - - is the Golden Buffy, the Princess, the Patroness of all things Right and Good, gonna shed one damn tear for me? Or are you gonna sit there, high and mighty and tell me I deserved it. Because I took a human life. 

Remember, baby, you were right there with me. So I guess I'll be seein' ya, in Hell or where - ever. 

       Lost anythin` yet?

_       Faith Giovanni._


End file.
